I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
