yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
