Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
