I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
