Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
