Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
