I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
