I CAN MOONWALK!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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