____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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