New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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