Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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