Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
