There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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