What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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