I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
