Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
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I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
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There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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