she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
