Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
