We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
time to smoke my breakfast
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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