Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
