so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
