You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
