In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
