The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
