At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
