Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
