you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
