this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
