organizing the empties. That sober.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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