if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
