Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
