Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You can't motorboat a personality
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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