Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
