Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
there is puke in my bra ... again
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
