i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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