Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
