nut hugger
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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