Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
