He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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