The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
