it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
