My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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