He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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