tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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