so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i dont even know how to be here
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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