People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
