Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
