The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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