Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
