i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We talked him into tasing himself.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
