you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
