Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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