We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
