Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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