So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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