If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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