i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
