You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
