she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
