Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
