She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
