you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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