you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
