found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The uberlube is also flammable
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
