Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We have so much sex to catch up on
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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