so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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