i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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