Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
