so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
