dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize