oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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