so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
