I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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