She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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