Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
