My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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