i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
