Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
