I think I won the penis lottery.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
