I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
