he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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