She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
